[LN] Kanojo ni Uwaki Sareteita Ore ga - Volume 1 - Chapter 4
Chapter 4 - Closing of the Year
The next day, I was strolling around the department store with Ayaka.
The department store interior has already changed from Christmas decor to New Year's decor. Red and white banners remind us of the end of the year.
Department stores were busier than usual, as they were in the midst of year-end and New Year's bargains.
"You shouldn't have come here today."
"You're the one who invited me to ......"
Ayaka exhaled as she responded with a sigh of relief.
Because you're the only one I can ask to help me with my luggage.
"There are plenty of others out there who call people up just to carry their baggage."
"No, I don't care."
Saying this, Ayaka walks to a cosmetics store.
Ayaka, who has a wide range of friendships, also knows that not many people can get away with not paying attention.
What would a normal man think about being called upon as a baggage handler by Ayaka, who is a genuine popular person in the faculty?
At least now I want to go home.
"I'm here today to discover a new Depakos. If it takes too long, I'll feel bad."
"Why doesn't that sorry feeling apply to me ......?"
"That's right, we trust each other, don't we? Yeah, is that how it's going to be?"
"It's not good, you idiot!"
I hit Ayaka's buttocks with the paper bag containing the winter clothes she had just bought. There was a dull thud.
"There it is! Where are you aiming at, you idiot?"
"Shut up, you realize you deserved what was said!"
Ayaka said, "Of course you're joking," and patted the site of the direct hit.
"I think it's more convenient nowadays to buy online, like Depakos. There might even be word of mouth."
Sometimes I wouldn't even have to carry a huge bag of groceries if only they would have bought it online.
And when shopping for money, people today are always concerned about word of mouth. I don't refer to word of mouth very often, but I am aware that I am in the minority.
Surprisingly, however, Ayaka shook her head.
"There was a time when I used to refer to the cosmetics review sites," she said. But it seemed that there were giveaways that were offered on the condition of getting a high rating."
Ayaka combed her hair with her hand and showed it to me, then continued.
I was almost distracted by her silky hair, but I managed to keep my attention on the chain.
"I bought a treatment with a very high average rating, but it made my hair stiff and hard. I thought this was strange, and when I looked at the low ratings, everyone was saying that there were a lot of sakuras and that I shouldn't be fooled."
This is probably the downside of using word of mouth as a reference. It may be convenient, but it is also dangerous to trust blindly.
"It was a disaster."
"Yes. Well, it is not limited to cosmetics. When I don't want to regret something, I want to see everything with my own eyes before making a decision."
Ayaka said casually, bending down and beginning to examine the eyeliner.
I think one of Ayaka's charms is that she has her own core, as she just said.
I wonder how many people around Ayaka know this side of her.
"What a waste."
"'Yeah, you think so? I think it's a fair price, but I don't know. I still think it's a little high. What should I do?"
It seems that ...... having a core of your own and shopping are two different things.
I said, appropriately enough, "I think that's a good idea, that's it," and picked up the paper bag again.
I feel a heavy weight on my shoulders.
"Do you want me to hold it?"
Suddenly, Ayaka held out her hand.
He hesitated for a moment, then shook his head.
I don't like to be made to carry luggage, but it is also embarrassing to walk next to Ayaka with this luggage.
If you are concerned about public perception, it would be a wiser decision to keep the baggage.
"I know."
Ayaka raises the corner of her mouth, as if she knew the answer would come back to her.
"I'll get something for you. I'll get you something in return."
When I said this with a grudging smile, Ayaka nodded honestly.
"Can I buy you dinner?"
"Yeah, seriously."
"I don't take it for granted. I'm getting your time and energy."
Then it's a completely different story. My dismayed thoughts turned around, and I suddenly began to enjoy shopping.
The change seemed to be felt by Ayaka, who giggled.
It can't be helped; for students living alone, the words "buy me dinner" are such a turn-on.
There is no reason to reject a proposal from someone your own age, let alone from someone younger.
"I'm going to the back floor now, and you can pick out the restaurant you want to go to."
Ayaka stretches her body and waves her slender arms from side to side.
With a snap of her heels, Ayaka disappeared into the back floor.
I watched it happen and then ran my fingers over my phone with glee.
Search and hit.
This restaurant is located in front of the station and has been on my mind for a long time.
I made a reservation using the name Ayaka Mino.
◇◆
"I said I'd buy you anything, but why a mass diner ......?"
Ayaka said in a tone of disbelief.
We visited an ordinary diner crowded with businessmen and students. It was my favorite restaurant, but Ayaka seemed to be dissatisfied with it.
"I was going for something a little more fashionable."
"That's good. See, it looks good, oden?"
I pressed the order button as I said it. A light ping-pong sound was heard, but it was drowned out by the hustle and bustle of the restaurant.
"I was trying to win you over with some delicious food, since you don't seem to eat much."
"The reasons are disturbing!"
"You know for a fact that you don't eat well."
Ayaka then took the menu from me and started to flip through the pages as if she had given up.
Ayaka, who had been looking at me blankly, gradually brightens her eyes.
As the waiter came to the table, wading through the wandering customers in search of the restroom, Ayaka began to list her order at high speed.
I want to show the current scene to Ayaka thirty seconds ago.
When the waiter brought a pot of oden a short time later, Ayaka screamed yellow.
"Oh my God, that's a lot of food!"
"'Here it is, the one I've had my eye on for a while! For 2,000 yen, this quantity is too good a deal!"
When a sufficient amount of oden to share is placed on the table with a thump, Ayaka takes a small plate to share.
"Yes, your share."
"Three cheers."
I immediately started with my favorite dish, daikon radish, and the oden soup popped and spread in my mouth.
Ayaka also relaxed her expression to the utmost and chewed on the mochi kinchiku.
When was it that Ayaka and I began to eat meals together like this without hesitation?
At least in high school, we would have lunch together, but we had to be reasonably prepared. Prepared to throw oneself into a space where the two of us were alone. Prepared to be ridiculed by those around us. Prepared to be envied. It took a lot of determination just to have a meal together, and it was far less frequent than it is now.
I no longer need that kind of preparation because our relationship has metamorphosed ...... since high school, so that may be part of it.
But more than that, everyone around me changed. After college, everyone became more tolerant, or worse, indifferent, to their surroundings.
They are approaching adulthood.
From this casual piece of food, you can sense it, even if you don't like it.
We're sophomores in college now.
Considering the job search, the current peaceful student life will not last another year.
That, to me, is very scary.
I am a student, a free title. The fact that the time when I will lose it is just around the corner makes me feel helplessly uneasy.
"What's wrong with your face?"
Ayaka's voice widens my vision.
My small plate of chikuwa was added to my plate before I knew it.
Ayaka put down her chopsticks and tilted her head.
"Wasn't the oden good?"
I recommended this restaurant, but Ayaka said such a thing. In other words, my expression must have been that different from usual.
"No, I don't know. We're going to be grown-ups, aren't we?"
I said, Ayaka laughed, "Huh?" I laughed.
"Well, we're over 20 now, aren't we?"
"Yes."
When you cross the age of 20, you come of age. It is a matter of course.
But even recognizing that obviousness, I don't see myself as an adult now at all.
"There's a difference between being an adult and being a grown-up."
Ayaka becomes a little mysterious when she hears my words.
"Well, maybe not. There are a lot of people who are still childish even after all these years."
"I used to think that the moment you turn 20, you become an adult at heart. Not much has changed, has it?"
On my twentieth birthday, I was filled with more anticipation than usual about growing older. By that time, I had lost the idea of becoming an adult the moment I crossed the age of 20, but even so, my attitude was different from that of my usual birthday.
The first few days of my twentieth year were very productive.
The drinks at the izakaya tasted even better than usual, and small talk with friends increasingly included discussions of the economy and politics.
But that's it.
The rest of the day is college, and the usual routine continues.
Not a child, not an adult.
College students over the age of 20 are almost in a state of limbo, in limbo in either direction.
"I want to go back to when I was in junior high and high school. I want to be young again, without thinking about anything, doing club activities and so on."
"...... Well, I'd go back if I could, me too."
Ayaka also has a melancholy look on her face.
Despite my own feelings, the gears never stop.
I wonder if the day will ever come when I can proudly say that I am an adult.
"...... or something?"
He seemed concerned about my sudden weakness and looked into my face.
Nothing else makes me feel guilty.
"'No, sorry, nothing. Seriously, no, seriously."
"I don't know. Well, that's kind of sentimental all of a sudden."
Perhaps it is the unique atmosphere of the end of the year that makes me think that way.
But there was one more thing I had in mind.
Shinohara.
I feel like I'm terribly old for him, even though we're only one year apart. It is not that he is childish for his age or that I am old.
I feel that my energy as a person is something decidedly different. When I look at Shinohara, I feel that I have somehow grown sloppy.
Such vague feelings may have accumulated at some point and suddenly made me feel depressed.
But that's not something I'm going to talk about.
It doesn't matter what I say, it only annoys Ayaka.
Since Ayaka is buying me a drink, it would be a loss if I don't enjoy it.
Deciding to think so, I rattled my chopsticks.
"All right, let's eat!"
"There aren't any left."
Ayaka exhaled in disgust and gave me her own small plate. On it is the last of the daikon radish.
"I'll give you half."
"Seriously, thank you."
After splitting the radish, I released it into my mouth, and it tasted as good as ever, although it was a little cold.
Ayaka watched me chewing with her cheeks for a while, and then said
"I look forward to working with you when I grow up."
Stay friends as ever. Is such an interpretation correct?
Ayaka smiled as she nodded without hesitation.
I love that kind of expression on Ayaka's face.
I never said it out loud, but that's what I thought.
◇◆
It was the morning after the day of Ayaka's shopping spree when I thought I heard the intercom ring.
When I open the curtains, the sun is still glimmering in the east.
For me, who bases my life on self-indulgence during long vacations when I have no plans, the act of getting up in the morning is more painful than anything else.
I thought I was woken up by the sound of the intercom, but it was too much trouble to leave the bed all the way to check.
I pretended I didn't hear it and got under the covers.
Ping ping pong.
"Shut up!"
I jump out of bed with a kabob.
If it was some kind of sales, I would not dare to make a complaint head-on, but I would at least check his face through the camera on the intercom.
But when I looked at the screen, I saw a figure I was already familiar with.
Shinohara.
Press the call button and say a few words.
"Go home."
He hangs up the call without waiting for Shinohara's reply.
He said he would come back, but he said it too soon to be definite. I imagined it would be a little longer.
When I checked the time, it was after 10 a.m.
Obviously it's not a time for worldly manners, but for me it's a time for bad manners.
The phone I was charging started shaking, and when I checked, it was Shinohara.
"I can't help it. ......"
With heavy steps, he proceeded to the front door and unlocked it.
When the door opens, Shinohara is standing there with a backpack on his back.
"Seniors, what do you have to say to me?"
"......Why did you come?"
"I'm sorry to keep you waiting!"
"Oh, ......."
It may or may not be convincing.
After fooling around with a vague reply, Shinohara let out a sigh.
"I'll give you this. Here, senior, I'll give you this."
Shinohara then offers me a paper bag.
When I received it, puzzled, I found it to be a famous high-end confectionery.
"You're good to go."
"We're in!"
I had no intention of stopping Shinohara from innocently entering the room. After confirming that Shinohara had entered the studio, I went into the changing room and took off my clothes to change out of my nightgown.
I was in my underwear when I took the clothes I had been drying under the dryer.
"Senpai, where are you ......?"
The door opens and Shinohara enters.
When our eyes met, there was a moment of silence.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. ......"
Anyone would be surprised if the landlord suddenly found himself in his underwear.
I was relieved that I hadn't taken off my underwear.
"Oh, great."
When I said shortly and put on my clothes, Shinohara shouted in surprise.
"That's it? Aren't you more impatient than that! Did your junior see you in your underwear or something?"
"Mmm."
I don't know how I feel, but it doesn't diminish anything. If this had been the other way around, the response would have been different, so I'm glad I'm the one who gets to see it.
The fact that he was awake and unable to think straight was also significant.
"I'm starving."
"Oh, ah, ...... I see. If you want something simple, I can make it for you."
I respond gratefully to Shinohara, who makes a gratifying suggestion.
"I just restocked the fridge yesterday, so I think it's pretty full today! I just restocked the fridge yesterday, so I think it's pretty full today!"
"I understand, I understand, but senpai."
Shinohara slowly, slowly shifted his gaze to the side.
"Put on your pants!"
......After all, getting out of bed is dangerous in many ways.
I was wrongly impressed by the blushing Shinohara, who was surprisingly naive.
◇◆
"Don't you usually put it on from the bottom? I think it's from the bottom."
While having a slightly late breakfast at a round table, Shinohara mentioned what had just happened.
"I don't remember much, my head was a little fuzzy."
"It's been less than an hour, so it's not like I'm forgetful, senpai."
Shinohara said in a tone of voice that said, "Are you serious?
The coat he was wearing is on a hanger and he is in a sweater.
"Maybe that's just my nature."
After flushing it down the proper channels, he takes a sip of the consommé soup, which is now running low.
The exquisite spicy seasoning permeates the body, giving it a relaxing taste.
"Yum!"
Delicious from the bottom of my heart.
Perhaps it is the perception that it is a girl's home-cooked meal that makes it taste many times better than consommé soup served at a restaurant, but there is no doubt that the simple fact that Shinohara is a good cook is also a factor.
"What do seniors usually eat?"
"Convenience store lunch boxes, beef bowls."
"I knew it. It's bad for you."
"I'm aware of it. I can't help it."
There is certainly plenty of time to prepare your own meals.
But having the time is one thing, having the energy is another.
The difference in energy between Shinohara and me that I felt yesterday may have been created by this way of thinking.
"I think I'll try ...... to cook for myself."
It may be while you are still a student that you can start something new without hesitation.
Shinohara said as he piled up the empty dishes.
"I'll tell you. I'll teach you."
"I'd like to do it today. Let's get on with it."
Gulp down the rest of the consommé soup.
"Thanks for the food! It was delicious."
"No, it was worth making today. Senpai, they really look delicious."
"Because it's delicious."
Then he sits up and heads for the kitchen.
The shine of the freshly cleaned sink has not yet faded, and today, unusually, washing dishes does not feel like a chore.
"Shall I wash it for you?"
"Why? I'm the only one who ate. Relax near where the cushions are, there are lots of comic books."
"'I can only read a few pages if I'm only in between washing dishes.'"
Although he said so, Shinohara headed toward the bookshelf.
There were several works that I was interested in, and from time to time I heard people say, "Oh, I want to read this!
"I was so familiar with the house I forgot I even cared about you. You're so familiar with the house, I forgot I even cared about you."
When I finished washing the dishes for one person, I posed a question to Shinohara. Shinohara slammed the comic book that was about to open and laughed, "It's really a little late for that, isn't it?
I chuckle inside because it was my question that ended up cutting into my comic book reading time.
I wanted to show my face a little while I was going back to my parents' house. It's the last time I'll be able to see my seniors this year.
"Oh, yeah."
Students who live alone usually return to their parents' homes at this time of year. I did not know where Shinohara's parents' home was, but I guess that means Shinohara will be leaving here for a while.
"Aren't you going home, senpai? Tomorrow is New Year's Eve."
"I'm fine with New Year's. I live close to my parents, so we see each other rather often. My parents live close by, so we see each other rather often."
I was like, "Oh, I see. That's kind of unexpected.
"What?"
Shinohara does not answer the question, but takes the cauldrons and bowls off the shelves and begins rummaging through the refrigerator.
I wasn't interested in the answer either, so I watched the scene without paying attention.
I said, "Well, you have hollandaise sauce. You don't cook, so why do you have this?"
When I hear the word "hollandaise sauce," I have no idea what kind of sauce it is.
The container offered to me reminds me of the day I bought it on a whim.
"I bought this a long time ago because I wanted to cook something elaborate. I haven't opened the seal yet."
"Where did you get this?"
"Net."
"I knew it. It's a waste, so let's use this today. Senpai, may I ask you to break four eggs?"
"Okay."
Take four eggs out of the refrigerator.
He tried to crack an egg open with one hand, but he sank without a trace.
"'Why are you trying to break it with one hand, please be normal?'"
"I think I just made one mistake. That's when I started my rapid ascent."
"Excuse me."
Shinohara takes the egg from my hand and cracks it in tempo. With both hands.
I put the butter in the microwave, threw the hollandaise sauce I had just made into a large pot, and in a few minutes the kitchen was filled with a scene beyond my comprehension.
I follow Shinohara's instructions and feel somewhat like an assistant.
"You sound like some kind of chef."
Shinohara, who prepares food quickly and efficiently, looks somehow more mature than usual. People who excel in areas they are not good at are somehow attractive.
"I like to cook, don't you? Oh, pass the bacon right there..."
Shinohara, who had been instructing me on this and that, suddenly stopped moving.
"What's wrong?"
"No, senpai. You have no idea what I'm making, do you?"
"Eggrolls, right?"
"How can someone who takes this long to fry an egg teach cooking? ...... I mean, it's way too much work for an omelet."
Then Shinohara groaned, "Hmmm.
I was enjoying myself so much that I forgot to teach my senpai how to cook. I'll teach you how to cook next time, so you can relax.
"Yeah, why?"
"I wanted to show you the finished product after I put it on a plate."
Shinohara said, and began humming a tune.
You really like to cook.
I decided to enjoy the finished dish too and rolled over in bed.
Rather than feeling sorry for making Shinohara do the cooking alone, I was more looking forward to it. I also felt that my help would spoil the flavor of the food, and it would be a shame to waste all that effort.
After flipping through the manga for a while, a slightly smug-looking Shinohara brought a platter.
"Ta-da!"
I opened my mouth at the sight of this social media-worthy food.
"I never thought my house could produce something this delicious. I never thought my house could produce something this delicious."
"Eggs Benedict. It's stylish and delicious, and one of my favorite recipes."
What does it mean that even the name is fashionable, as well as the appearance?
"Would you like one? I just had breakfast."
Thanks to the fact that my breakfast had been less than eight portions, I still had an appetite. I picked it up and bit into it, and the tender yolk tangled on my tongue.
"Uma! What the hell, umma!"
"It's really good! It's delicious!"
Even Shinohara praised himself for his eggs benedict, which he said was well done.
Shinohara must cook quite a bit on a regular basis, as he was able to instantly come up with a recipe from an unfamiliar condiment called hollandaise sauce.
"I have time for the bullet train, so I'd better get going."
"Oh, you're really just here to show your face."
I was a little surprised because I thought what he had just said was some kind of dialect. Shinohara nodded as if it were a matter of course.
"Yes, as I said before. I've been indebted to my seniors for the short time I've been with them."
"You're not close to home. I'm glad you went to the trouble."
No matter how much we have taken care of him, it is somewhat apologetic that he took time out of his busy year-end schedule to come to us.
But Shinohara denied it with a big sigh.
"You know, senpai. Do I look so good-natured that I would go to your house just for that reason?"
"Muu~......"
Quite simply, I can't see it at all.
The Motosaka case gave us a glimpse of his attitude toward people who had lost interest in him.
"I quit club activities and broke up with my senior Yudo, so I have a lot of free time right now. I'm not busy at the moment. I had no choice but to come over to him."
"You're just trying to kill time, aren't you?"
"I feel like I have a bad personality if you put it that way."
It is as good as saying so, but how can he smile so wonderfully?
Shinohara's unconventional free-spiritedness is refreshing to watch.
Well, if you have a face as pretty as Shinohara's, there must be plenty of men who would be happy just to be bothered by you to pass the time.
"I feel lonely eating alone, so let's have dinner together once in a while. I'll do the housework."
Shinohara leans forward and gives me a superior look.
"Just for today, nothing else."
"I'll be here five times a week!"
"Are you even listening to me?"
Shinohara puts his hand over his mouth and shakes his shoulders in a funny way.
It sounds like a fun thing to do.
"Then maybe twice a week. I'll let you know in advance when I'm going to be there, so that's fine."
"What do you mean "okay"? It's as if you're sure I'm going to agree to it."
But compared to the first request, twice a week with advance notice seems better.
I'm not particularly busy myself, and if you do the housework, there seemed to be no particular reason to refuse, although I'm a little impatient to have less time for private life.
And the time I spend with Shinohara is somewhat fulfilling.
I was the one who came to that conclusion so easily.
"Well, okay."
I responded, "I'm sorry.
"'Hmmm. Door-in-the-face, great success!"
"What the hell is that?"
He frowned at the sudden appearance of a side letter.
"It's a negotiation technique that says, "If you make a big demand at the beginning, it will be easier to get what you want later. It's been featured on TV and elsewhere."
I thought, "Wow, I've heard that one before. I guess it's a little more catchy than you think when it's used in everyday life."
However, it is highly doubtful that the current conversation with Shinohara can be called an everyday conversation.
"I'm glad I listened to the lecture. I'm glad I listened to your lecture."
Shinohara sat up, satisfied with my response.
As I sit up to see him off to the front door, Shinohara stops me with his hand.
"Oh, it's all right to see me off. We're the ones who rushed in."
"'Okay. Well, here we are. See you next year."
"Yes! Have a good New Year!"
After making a saluting gesture, Shinohara grinned.
"Oh. Thanks for this year."
In response to my reply, Shinohara bows with a bow and heads for the front door.
The door opens, the sound of the wind blowing can be heard, and soon it is silent again.
Shinohara's house and my house must have different nearest stations. That guy said he was going home on the Shinkansen, which means he went out of his way to come from the station to show his face.
I've had a less than flattering year myself, as my girlfriend of about a year cheated on me.
Still, I felt we had a not bad ending.
◇◆
I was stuck on the bed.
Today is the day of the party my friend invited me to. I was invited to the party to make up the number of people, and I agreed to go with a light heart, but when the day came, I didn't want to go.
I was having a hard time moving on and was seriously wondering if I should cancel.
But considering my friend's position, it would be quite embarrassing to have the number of people not match on the day of the event. I don't care what some guy I don't know thinks of me, but I don't want to embarrass my friend.
"Hmmm, let's go to ....... ......"
I reluctantly move my heavy, unbearable body and go to the mirror.
A few days have passed since the beginning of the year.
It's a normal morning, but the word "New Year" is still fresh in my mind and everyone seems somewhat buoyant.
The TV program also still had a spirited lineup.
I looked at my phone and saw that it was just about to display some messages. I had my phone on silent mode, so it didn't make a sound, but this happens sometimes.
['Akemae! I'm really looking forward to the upcoming movie, how about you, Mayu-chan?"]
In light of the sender, the message is not worth returning now.
I reply to these troublesome communications in bulk when I feel like it. For my mental health, it suits me.
After washing my face, I felt somewhat better about my laziness.
Take out the makeup base from the drawer of the vanity.
As I dab the primer, which is about the size of a ten-yen coin, onto my skin, the feeling of not wanting to go outside fades away.
If I can get through today, I can relax since I don't have any plans for the rest of the day. Thinking positively, I dab on more foundation on top of the primer I've spread on.
When did I start thinking of makeup as a form of grooming?
At least when I was in high school, I think it was fine to wear makeup or not. People who wore makeup were a bit more mature, and those who didn't were separately normal. How much easier it would have been if that kind of perception had persisted.
When I entered college, everyone around me was wearing makeup, so I followed suit and started doing it every day.
My mood when putting on makeup varies from day to day, but today I am especially naïve.
"It's a pain in the ass."
Speak out and vent your feelings.
Still, I don't let up on my makeup. I am pretty without makeup, but I am sure that makeup will make me even prettier.
Her pride as a woman does not allow her to expose her sloppy makeup in front of men.
Finally, I applied a light pink lipstick to my lips and set about getting dressed.
My mood is not at all buoyant, but I decide what to wear after a fair amount of hesitation.
I feel like I'm deciding what to wear to battle rather than what to wear on a date.
I was going to be late, so I hurried out of the house and walked quickly to the station. On the way, I realized that today's shoes are just sneakers.
I almost wished I had worn heels if I had gone to the trouble of getting dressed up, but I shook my head mentally.
If you didn't care that much, then today's blind date was not worth it. If it were a date with someone I liked, I would have spent a lot of time worrying about the slight difference in heel height.
"Oh, the guy you like."
The last time in my life when I could clearly say, "I love this person! I can't remember the exact time in my life when I clearly felt "I love this person! I can't remember exactly.
But lately, there is someone nearby who makes me feel differently about the other opposite sex.
"Senior, are you free today?"
If the party is boring, leave in the middle of the party.
I open the app and send a message to my senior.
[I want to come in today. I'd like to come in today. Could you leave the key in the mailbox?]
What a brazen statement. It's to the level that I would pull back if someone else showed it to me.
Then, in an instant, I receive a reply, 'New Year's Day. I receive a reply saying, 'Roger.
A curt reply with no emoji.
And yet, why is it that a certain warmth can be felt?
I agonized over it for a few seconds before sending my senior a cute stamp I had recently purchased.
My heavy steps felt a little lighter.